Zyprexa Man

Well I went to the doctor because of these blasted panic/anxiety attacks I've been having that have been hindering me in many areas of my life and after a brief exchange he reccomended 2.5mg of Zyprexa 5pm daily to ward the attacks off. It's so damn hot lately. I just wish it was Winter again. The doctor also told me that the Risperdone Consta injections I have been getting every two weeks for the past 8 months cause sexual dysfunction. I kinda had an idea something was going on but this. Combine that with the Lithium and Epilum I'm on and I am one fucked up person. If it actually did more than just stabilizing me and keeping the mania at bay I would be happy but that is all it does at the bare minimum. I don't have mania but my life is pretty damn sucky. I'm overweight now after a shitty 8 months back on the tablets. But the worst thing is I am stuck in the situation and can't seem to get out of it any way.

Anytime I try to go out and party a debilitating anxiety attack ends my night. I went to the airport the other night to pick up my brother and anxiety came on board and boy was it sucky. I was pacing all over the airport and the worst part of it was that my brother's plane was delayed by 2 and a half hours. So extra pacing. Lucky I didn't have to drive the 2 hour trip home because I'm sure it wouldn't have ended pretty.

I know my problems aren't much compared to those in third world countries and such but you are who you are and that is all you know so you shouldn't really have to make apologies for it. We are all our own reality. If anybody else out there who has Bipolar/Manic Depression also has anxiety/panic attacks (I'm not really sure what the official term for my particular strand is) please comment as I'm wondering if I'm not the only one.

Happy Christmas

Unhealthy, Unwealthy & Unwise

Ever since I was discharged from hospital all I have been doing is wasting money on petrol and junk food probably to drown my sorrows.  I want to change this before things get out of hand.  I can't be stuffed typing that much but all I know is the side effects of the meds are killing me at the moment.  I'm off to have a shower and hopefully start to feel better.

Episode 1: The Deluded Menace

I categorize my Bipolar episodes into manic and depressive but I only really count the manic ones.  My first one happened after flying to the USA on a student exchange programme and becoming over excited and eventually into a very deluded person with very grandiose ideas.  I was taken away from my host family by police and to a hospital where I was tested and found to have Bipolar disorder.  My dad had to come out from the USA to get me, so lucky we had all the appropriate insurances.  

I was the happiest I'd been in my life - some of it was probably the disorder but the USA for me was wonderful.  My judgement was probably clouded my the disorder though.  Just imagine Disneyland on a manic high and you'll get an idea of what I was getting up to.  The lows that I was to face in the coming months were unprecedented in my head.  

My treatment plans are better these days but if you don't take your tablets you will have an episode I've been told and the doctor's have been right twice so far when tablets haven't been taken prior to a manic episode.

But that's for another day.  Keep balanced my friends.  I feel I have so much to share, I don't wanna share it all at once.  Bookmark the blog or plug it into Google Reader or be sure to comment to tell me what you want me to write about. 

P.S. I will be talking about the following things in future posts:  "Bipolar and Creativity ", "Famous People with Bipolar Disorder" and "Bipolar Medication and Weight Gain".

Welcome to Me

Well I'm two weeks out of the old psych ward and hopefully on the way to rehabilatation.  I saw my psychiatrist today and talked about all the things I had done wrong during my manic phase and they weren't pretty looking back at it.  Things like speeding, spending outlandish amounts of money and buying things that I could never afford through financing.  I decided to write this little diary for myself mainly but if someone else gets something out of it that is fine too.  I have had blogs in the past about my Bipolar but I have always deleted them when I get what I like to call "sane".  I will be writing on my own condition, history and topics related to bipolar disorder or the more romantic manic depression as it used to be called.  

I'm writing the blog anonymously.  My name is not really Harold Krazzy but I will tell you that I live in Australia.  I hope some of this will help others cause this is usually a form of therapy for me.  Onward we go.

A little bit about me.  I like technology, I like supporting my local community as well as anything Australian made or owned, I have a great family who I cherish and who have helped me through the tough times.  I was born in October which is why the blog is called the Unbalcanced Libran - I'm Bipolar and am a Libran.  Just thought it was a light hearted take on my condition.

To give you a little of my history.  My episodes started happening when I was 15.  I've had an average of one manic episode a year.  I am 20 now.

So hopefully we are acquainted now.  I'm sure we will stay in touch.  I haven't got much else to do with my time for the moment - I am very packed full of medication and my concentration is bad.  Hopefully the posts get larger as I go along and my medication is reduced.  Don't be suprised if there is more than one post a day.

Thanks for reading - even if it is just me.